Advice From a Sick Girl: Saying “Yes”

I’m a free spirit at heart. I crave adventure, travel, and change.

I’m also stuck in a body rattled by chronic illness.

Every day I fight back against my own body; my immune system kills off my healthy cells, making me sick from the inside out. Most days, I feel like garbage. Unpleasant symptoms take over my life, making everything I do much more painful and much more difficult.

So every day, I’m faced with a decision; do I sit back and let my body win, or do I do everything in my power to live a good life?

This decision obviously isn’t black and white. Some days I feel better than others, and some days I’m so sick I can’t get out of bed, and that’s okay. I’ve learned to roll with that too.

But when it is within my control, you bet I take every opportunity that comes. I find a way to do all the things I love and create the life I want to live.

It took me a long time to figure this out, though. I was 14 and a freshman in high school when I first got sick. My diagnosis turned my life upside down. I was just a kid, and I had no clue how to handle my new reality.

“No” became my go-to. When I was invited to hang out with friends, I would decline because I worried that my lack of energy made me boring. When friends asked me to go rock climb, hike, or ski, I would say no because I didn’t want them to see how weak I had become. When asked to do almost anything beyond my ordinary routine, I was afraid to say yes because I feared my body’s new limitations.

I was dragging through the motions of life, and I realized pretty quickly that if I continued to let this rule my life, I would have zero quality of life at all.

Maybe it was out of fear of wasting my time and potential, or maybe it was out of pure stubbornness against the limitations my body gives me, but suddenly I was saying “yes” to every opportunity that came.

At this point, I was probably about 16, maybe a little closer to 17. After years of hiding my illness from those around me and letting it rule my life, I decided I was simply fed up.

I started saying with the utmost confidence, “because I have an autoimmune disease. My body is literally fighting against itself,” anytime someone tried to make a snarky comment about why I had such little energy or couldn’t move like I used to.

I most definitely had a “fake it til you make it” mentality. I would stand there, stare them down, and act real confident, but inside I was shaking and praying to whatever god is in the sky that I wouldn’t get made fun of.

I wouldn’t say I’ve ever been a particularly confident person. Most people would describe me as shy, and let’s just say I have never been known for my outspoken opinions.

But every time I stood my ground like this, I was subconsciously growing my confidence and realizing my own value.

So when friends would ask me to go out, I started saying “yes.” Even if I was tired, sick, in pain, or all of the above, if there was even a part of me that wanted to be there, I went.

It was just little moments and everyday things like that that most people wouldn’t even think twice about, but for me, it was huge. I was learning to trust my body and self again.

I was testing the limits of my comfort zone and watching my confidence build, slowly but surely.

“Yes” became my go-to, and the positive effects it was having on my life were so abundantly clear.

My favorite example of this is the concert that changed my life for the better.

It was July of 2019, and my friend wanted to see Dead and Company at Folsom Field but had no one to go with. I had hardly heard of the band, but when she asked if I would come with her, I said “yes” without thinking twice about it.

On the day of the show, I didn’t feel good at all. I was also nervous about the concert and all of the unknowns of it. It would have been so easy for me to just bail and stay home, but there was a part of me that knew I needed to go. So I rested all day, did what I needed to do, then rallied and went to the concert.

My body was still feeling pretty lousy at the concert, but it turns out that pain is easy to ignore when you’re surrounded by the immense love and positive energy of thousands of happy hippies.

I danced with strangers, moved with the energy, and let the music wash over me. I let go of any worries I had and just went with it. I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

A gnarly hail storm put a pause on the music for a while, leaving us dancing in the rain, laughing with strangers as we got pelted with hail, and dripping in color from our tie-dye shirts. By the end of the night, my clothes were still wet and my face hurt from smiling too hard for too long.

I fell head over heels for the Grateful Dead, and their music is enough to change anyone’s perspective on life in many positive ways. My energy and outlook on life shifted for the better and my newfound love for the Grateful Dead brought me to many more shows; introducing me to more friends and countless incredible experiences.

So it’s safe to say a lot of good came out of going to that show and it all happened because I stepped outside of my comfort zone and just said “yes.”

A few of my favorite Grateful Dead albums (listen anywhere)

Another time, I was in Moab with my sisters. It was June and absolutely blistering hot, so we hiked to Mill Creek to sit in the water and cool down. People were cliff jumping, and as I watched them, my heart skipped a beat in the best way possible.

I was too scared to jump off by myself, so I begged my sisters to do it with me. They responded with a few versions of “no way,” “absolutely not,” and “shut up, I’m not doing it.”

I probably would’ve chickened out too, but a stranger came up and asked if I was brave enough to jump. I said, “yes.”

The night after I graduated high school, I went to a little party with some friends. A few guys were about to go on a big road trip to celebrate graduation and had spent weeks planning out their stops throughout Utah and Arizona. I was talking to them about their trip- asking if they were excited, sharing my favorite spots they should go see, all that good stuff. Mid-conversation, they turned to whisper something to each other, then turned back to me and asked if I wanted to come with them.

Two days later, my friend and I left for a 10-day road trip with 5 boys.

Seven nights in a tent, four National Parks, two busted knees, and many breathtaking sunsets later, I have memories that will last me a lifetime. Guess what- it all happened because I said “yes.”

I have danced with strangers and watched sunrises at the end of sleepless nights. I’ve bought last-minute plane tickets to god knows where and water skied under the moon. I have chased the rising sun to places I used to dream about and had deep conversations with strangers who I may never see again. I’ve spent hours staring at the stars in places so clear you can see every fold of the universe. I have slept on a water trampoline in the middle of a lake, climbed mountains, and painted by riversides. I fell in love with the ocean but also discovered the forests and mountains will always feel like home.

Just a few years back, I wasn’t living at all. I let my body and my overthinking mind take over my life. I feared for my future and the bucket list items that never had the chance to be ticked off.

That same bucket list has now been almost entirely scribbled out. I am 100% a cliché, but hey, all those movies about the sick person who falls in love with life again had to get their plot from somewhere, right?

As opportunities came to me, it became second nature to just go along with it. Then suddenly, it felt completely natural to go out of my way to create memories and go beyond the ordinary.

Before I knew it, I had fallen in love with life again and created a life I love living. All it took was saying yes to moments that scared me.

• Save

I have always been an introvert and a bit of a homebody. I love meeting new people from every corner of the Earth, but I also really value my alone time. I live for new experiences and making memories, but unfortunately, it has always been my nature to prioritize the feeling of comfort and safety.

So I understand how easy it is to stay within the thick borders of your comfort zone and subconsciously take the easy way out. I understand the simplicity of falling into the swing of a dull routine that doesn’t add any real joy to your life.

My chronic illness taught me how to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Let me tell you, my life is so much fuller because of it.

Life is what you make it. I’m sure you’ve heard that one before, but we can all admit how true it is. So start creating the life you want to live.

Don’t wait for the perfect circumstances. Take it from me, they will never be perfect and you never know when circumstances can get worse while you wait. Just start saying yes now.

Start with one thing that scares you. Even if it seems so small and so simple to others, this is about you, and the intricacies of your own mind. Push the limits of your comfort zone and do what you want to do, not what your fears and overthinking mind thinks you should do.

Do it for the memories. Do it for the story to tell later on. Challenge your mind and the thoughts of fear and worry that run through your head. Flood your brain with happy memories and watch your confidence boom. This is your life, and you are in control. Make it a good one.

If you’ve made it this far, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for listening to this sick girl and the lessons I’ve learned about this life.