4 Simple Ways To Support Someone With a Chronic Illness

I was diagnosed with my first chronic illness at age 15.

I was a sophomore in high school trying to navigate the horrors of high school and figure out where I belong in the world when I received a diagnosis that flipped my life upside down. I was just a kid stuck in a sick body with no idea how to handle my new reality.

Click here to read my story about being sick in high school

There are some people who I have the world to thank in the ways they have supported me. People who made me fall in love with life again despite my illness and showed me they care even though they may never understand exactly what I’m going through.

Chronic illness is terrifying. It makes you feel powerless and alone. Unless you live with one yourself, it is something that is very difficult to understand.

When you see somebody you care about in pain, you want more than anything to take their pain away. You want to support them in any way you can, but you worry that you’ll say the wrong thing or that there’s no way you can help.

If you are reading this, I’m guessing you either met someone with a chronic illness or someone you love has been diagnosed with one and you have no idea how to help.

In this post, I am going to give you four simple ways to support someone with a chronic illness based on my own experiences and perceptions.

I kept it short and sweet, so it shouldn’t take more than a few minutes to read. I hope by the end you can have even just a little more confidence in supporting your chronically ill friends.

1. Just Be There

Duh. I know you’re probably thinking that this is objectively the most obvious way you can support someone, but you would be surprised at how many people forget this one.

In the first few years after my diagnosis, I lost more friends than I’d like to admit. I wasn’t myself anymore. Hanging out with friends, hiking, climbing, joking around- all the things I used to love felt like a far-off fantasy. “Sick” took over me and became my identity. This was hard for me to wrap my head around, let alone a bunch of teenagers who were also trying to find their way.

So I watched a lot of people go. Relationships faded, and I lost touch with people I didn’t expect to leave.

I wish I had the words to describe how alone I felt. I was in constant pain, grieving the loss of my healthy self, and felt like I was living a completely different reality from the healthy kids my age.

But there are a few who didn’t go anywhere.

Even in my most brutal flare-ups, where I’m barely conscious, and the pain feels like it will never go, I remember every “feel better, I love you” text I have ever received.

It’s so simple. It literally takes two seconds out of their day, but it means the world to me. It reminds me that somebody cares and that I have not been forgotten when I’m feeling the most alone.

I will forever be grateful for the friends who choose to sit on my bed with me when I can hardly move. We will probably hardly say a word to each other. They could be on their phone or working on their computer with their mind in a whole nother world, but they’re there. They’re there, and that in itself means everything and more. I can squeeze their hand through the pain and just look at them and remember I’m not alone.

There are times when I’ll be in the middle of hanging out with friends when my symptoms hit hard. I might end up lying in the backseat of the car or sitting there quietly without contributing anything to the conversation.

But these are the same friends who have proven they aren’t going anywhere and they make me feel just as a part of the group, even if I am zoned out, half asleep and hardly saying a word.

It’s these friends who have shown me they’re not leaving that made me fall in love with being alive. They allowed me to be a part of life again without feeling guilty about listening to my body and resting when I need to.

If you know someone who is suffering from chronic illness, just remind them that you are there and that you’re not leaving.

Text them when you see something that reminds you of them or ask if you can just sit with them on the days they can’t do anything but lay in bed.

When something as debilitating and permanent as chronic illness rocks your world, it is truly the little things that mean everything.

2. Let Them Rant

Unless you are a medical professional AND they have specifically asked for your advice, do not provide unsolicited advice.

Most people don’t like receiving unsolicited advice. Think back to the last time you were ranting about your horrible boss, your overwhelming schedule, or the toll COVID has taken on you and your family. You’re stressed out, worn down, and you just want to rant and talk it out for a minute to give your mind a break. You’re not looking for advice. You want to just let it out and leave saying, “thanks, I needed to get that off my chest.”

But instead, they attempt to give advice. They try to tell you what to do even if they only know a fraction of the situation at hand. You know their words are well intended and they want to help, but you also know that it will not help your situation. So you smile and nod and leave feeling more frustrated.

Or worse- they disregard your feelings and situation completely. They say you need to have a more positive mindset or that other people have it worse than you. Now you feel stupid for even bringing it up and worry that you were just being dramatic.

For people living with chronic illness, this is pretty much how it goes for us all the time.

If I had a dollar for anytime someone told me I would feel better if I simply tried yoga, went vegan, or just had a more positive attitude, I could probably pay my next medical bill.

When we get advice like this, we know you mean well. We can also promise that we have tried everything. Like truly everything.

Life is overwhelming for everyone, and living with a chronic illness is far from easy. Trying to balance the two is exhausting, lonely, and painful.

We spend most of our days smiling through the pain, faking being well, and pushing through to create a life we love despite our illnesses.

Chronic illness makes you pretty freaking strong. But sometimes it’s just too much, and we need a break from being strong, just for a moment.

If someone comes to you for this moment, the best thing you can do is just let them rant. Listen, let them have a good cry, tell them how much you love them, and remind them that you’re not going anywhere.

3. Never Stop Inviting Them

Growing up, I was constantly told, “if you say no to plans, they won’t invite you again.”

So when I got sick and suddenly couldn’t keep up with my friends, I was terrified. So I showed up even when I was miserable and when I did bail on plans to listen to my body and stay home, I was terrified I wouldn’t be invited next time.

I wish I could say my fears were completely irrational, and sometimes they were, but I also lost a lot of friends. I started to hear a lot of, “we didn’t invite you cause we didn’t think you would be able to come anyways.”

Talk about a slap in the face.

Chronic illnesses are anything but predictable. Symptoms and the severity of them come and go in waves. Flare-ups can hit like a ton of bricks, and there’s pretty much no way to predict how we will feel each day.

We have to bail on plans at the last minute and decline invites way more often than we would like.

We constantly feel guilty for letting people down and don’t even get me started on the FOMO.

If your friend is suffering from chronic illness, never stop inviting them. Even if they have bailed the past ten times and you know they probably will again. Even if they are deep in a flare-up and you know they can’t come. Even if you are entirely positive they won’t be able to come, invite them anyway.

By sending the invite you’re letting them know that they are wanted. Even in the pain they are in, they can breathe easy knowing they haven’t been forgotten.

When you show them that they will always be invited no matter what, I promise you are taking a major load off of their chest.

4. Offer Help With Daily Activities

Chronic illness is, well, chronic.

We learn to manage symptoms and plan our lives around them, but let me tell you, it is exhausting.

Simple activities like folding laundry, washing dishes, and walking the dog can be debilitating.

If you know someone suffering from chronic illness, especially if they are in a flare-up, offer to help with life’s daily chores and activities. Leave dinner at their door, babysit their kids, offer to drive carpool, or shovel their driveways when it snows.

Even if they decline, you are still showing that you care and are willing to help when they need it. That in itself is so incredibly helpful.