I am 19 years old and have been chronically ill since I was 14.

Everything I do throughout my day and throughout my life, I do while fighting against my own body.

The list of things I simply cannot do anymore is short. However, the list of things I have to do a little differently is long.

Whether you compare me to my past self or other people around me, there are many things I have to do differently.

At first, this was really scary. I couldn’t admit to myself that I couldn’t keep up with the life I was used to, so I pushed through and kept living how I did when I was healthy. I didn’t want to live differently than the other kids my age, so I pushed my body far beyond its limits to keep up.

Yeah… this didn’t work.

I was beyond miserable. My body was crying out for me to slow down. I ended up making myself so much sicker and adding unnecessary pain and stress.

It took a long time for me to accept this, but five years in, I can assure you it really is okay to do things differently. Not just for people with chronic illness, but for everyone.

Everyday Life

Rest

Trying to get my stubborn 15-year-old self to rest was not easy. Resting usually didn’t happen until it was so overdue that my body just shut down, then I would be out for days.

It took me an embarrassing amount of time to figure out that it doesn’t have to be this way.

Resting more often and stopping long before my breaking point is my key to a full life with less flare ups.

Chronically ill or the epitome of health, humans need rest.

You need and deserve rest, probably more than you realize. Some days you will need more than others. If it feels like you rest more than your friends, remind yourself that it truly does not matter. Your body and needs are completely unique to you and they are bound to change constantly.

You are not lazy, you’re just human. Allow yourself all the rest you need, and then some.

Give yourself full permission to rest because if you feel guilty and stressed about resting, you will never fully rest.

Movement

Your body is incredible in the way that it moves, the things it allows you to do, and the places it takes you.

You can appreciate your body, it’s fitness, and the way it moves without pushing it to it’s breaking point.

You can love running without training your body like you are going to run a marathon. If hard-core marathon running is what you love, that is amazing and I have an incredible amount of respect for you. But if running for fun means running wild and free like Phoebe Buffay with your hair blowing and probably bare feet, then we should be running buddies. Both of these options and everything in between is perfectly okay.

You can work out and love the way exercise makes you feel without chasing weight loss and treating exercise like a punishment.

You can dance even if you’re objectively god-awful at it. Or if you enjoy music by just sitting and taking it in, allow yourself that.

If you like hiking for the sake of a nice pretty walk, allow it to be just that. You don’t have to justify moving slow or doing a shorter or easier hike. You can do a nice, easy hike without promising yourself you’ll do a harder one next time.

Your body is yours and nobody else’s. Move in a way you love and appreciate the things it does for you.

Hobbies

Like a lot of people, for a long time, I carried this all-or-nothing mentality that having a hobby meant I had to be really good at it and devote a lot of my time to it.

If you love something, do it. Make it a part of your life in whatever way that works for you. It doesn’t matter how little or how often you do it compared to other people. It doesn’t matter if you are the best in the world or potentially the worst.

It is your life and your happiness. Do the things that you love in a way that works for you.

Your time

Everyone gets the same 24 hours in a day.

Your lifestyle and combination of daily responsibilities, work, rest, and just how you choose to spend your time is entirely unique to you. There is no one who spends their time here on Earth the exact same way as you, so why waste your energy trying to compare and compete with anyone else?

Your time is yours, and how you choose to spend that time is up to you.

If the way you move through life looks different from people around you, it is okay.

Your Life As a Whole

School

School is one of those non-negotiables that most everyone has to do for at least some portion of their life.

I go to school, it just all looks a little different for me. I had a 504 plan in high school, work with the disability center in college, and had to say goodbye to my need for straight A’s, but it is all okay. I graduated high school, got into college, and I will get a college degree.

If you have to do school a little bit different for whatever reason, it is okay. Take the accommodations you need without guilt or comparing yourself to other people.

Before I got sick, I got good grades without too much trouble and always had good attendance. I was always way too shy to go to the nurse or call my mom to go home sick. Then I became chronically ill and making it through a full day of school became a rare occurrence. The school nurse suddenly knew me by name.

On the days I did go to school all day, I wasn’t really there. If you ever had to go to school with the flu, you know what I mean. I felt like a bag of trash, hardly said a word, and couldn’t retain any information.

By the time I got home from school, I had zero energy left over. It was only about 3:30 when I got home most days, but my day was over.

I was quite literally dragging through life.

Then Covid happened. The world shut down and my school went fully online. I was a junior in high school, and it was my first time not going to public school full time. It was the first time I was fully able to take care of myself and prioritize rest since being sick.

My life no longer revolved entirely around school. I was able to listen to my body and do school at any time from anywhere. I felt alive for the first time in years.

For my senior year, I transferred to an online school. I was still in school and taking the same classes as my friends, I was just doing it differently in a way that worked for me. Not once did I feel like I was missing out on the “normal” school experience.

I’m in college now at Colorado State University. I wanted to have a college experience, so I chose to do regular, in-person school for my freshman year. I am grateful for the experiences I have had so far and I am happy I got to experience college classes.

However, it has been incredibly hard on my body. Next year, I will be returning to online school. I will be at the same university and will receive the same degree, but in a way that works for me.

Work

I started my first job in June after 8th grade, developed my first symptoms in January of freshman year, was diagnosed on the first day of sophomore year, and quit my job in the spring of my senior year.

As I got sicker, working became painful and I definitely wasn’t being paid enough for it.

I have no clue how I kept working for so long.

However, I know why– the idea of admitting I couldn’t do it anymore was heartbreaking, and I thought it was my only option for work. I needed money, and I thought this was the only way to get it.

It wasn’t until after I finally quit that I realized this is far from true. There are so many ways to work and make money.

In the world we live in today with the jobs available, the technology we use, and the world of social media, opportunities for work are limitless.

Now I nanny which is much easier on my body and pays way better than my previous job. I am also at the beginning of building an online business; working in social media and running a blog. It is undoubtedly a lot of work, but I do everything on my own schedule and I am genuinely passionate about all of it.

Traveling and Exploring

I am chronically ill, but I still travel. In fact, I travel a lot.

In order to enjoy the experience of travel, I have to prioritize my health. I have to rest a lot and move a little slower.

Even though traveling looks a little different for me, it is just as fulfilling. I have seen some jaw-dropping places and made some very happy memories.

When I ignore my limits, push too hard, and don’t rest enough, traveling makes me sicker and it feels entirely not worth it. I have ended up in the hospital and bedridden for days from over doing it while traveling.

But when I listen to my body and my limitations, traveling is when I feel the happiest. It’s a source of ultimate joy and leaves me feeling full of life.

Travel in a way that works for you and fills you up. It’s your memories and bucket list. Create these experiences in a way you love and want to remember.

Take it from a sick girl, life really is as short as they say it is and there is no one right way to do this life.

Your life is yours and nobody else’s. If something works for you and the grand scheme of your life, do it. Don’t worry if it looks a little different from other people.